Why Do I Even Know You?
by ChasDancey
Summary: Lovino questions why he hangs out with the drunk Canadian. Lame summary for lame story, a-boo-yeah.


"RELAX ROMA!"

"RELAX? Matthew. You're about to jump off a bridge."

"I just want to go swimming."

"Matthew... it's minus thirty out and the river's frozen over."

"But thirty below isn't THAT cold-"

"Get down."

"But-"

"I really don't want to spend all night cleaning your brainless guts off the middle of some ice river."

"But you don't care if I die?"

"Ridding the world of an idiot of your stature might be a good thing. Plus then we'd only have your brother left to get rid of."

"You're such a buzz kill." Matthew muttered, jumping from the ledge and shoving his hands into his pockets. Lovino took note of the small smirk that tugged on the corner's of Matthew's lips, the one that said he was joking, the one that was almost hidden by the shadows, the one constantly in existence with Lovino around.

"And you're retarded." Lovino scoffed in response, that same smirk in place, kicking a small chunk of snow along the snow covered wooden pieces of the bridge walk way. That's just how they talked to each other, abusively, throwing insults every which way, yet somehow knowing what lines not to cross. Those lines were just a given. "...And stop calling me Roma." He added with a serious scowl as an after thought as he and Matthew finally passed the halfway point of the bridge.

"Why? Would you prefer Lovi?" Matthew jumped in front of Lovino and wiggled his eyebrows up and down as if 'Lovi' were some perverted word. Using his leather gloved hand to grab Matthew's face and promptly shove him away and onto the ground, Lovino simply continued to walk on, leaving the other momentarily baffled behind him.

"ROMA IT IS!" Matthew jeered proudly, jumping up, dusting the snow off his pants and jogging to catch up with Lovino before swooping his arm around the shoulders of the other. Leaning on Lovino as they walked on, Matthew unintentionally forced the other to sway with him as they slowly made their way across the Ottawa River and back to the capital, back to the English side of the river, Ontario.

They were on their way back from a night at some local punk show at a house in Hull (well now it was named "Gatineau" but as Matthew insisted, "Nobody _actually _calls it that"). The 'venue' the show took place in, some fan's house, was conveniently titled 'Hull House'.

"MAN! Those bands… they were so SICK!" Matthew practically yelled as his tipsy feet lead the pair forward, his seemingly permanent goof of a grin super glued to his face like (almost) always. Lovino shook his head from side to side slowly in disbelief as Matthew went on to some rant Lovino didn't really listen to.

Based on past drunken rants he'd listened to (and wouldn't admit to being a part of), Lovino figured it was probably about 'The Mighty Beaver'. Also, judging by the level of which Matthew was drunk, that speech would definitely be influenced by Matthew's partial upbringing by Francis. Lovino chose instead to drift off into recollecting the events that had taken place thus far that night and just thoughts he had in general.

Lovino had scoffed at the name when he'd found out exactly what and where 'Hull House' was. It was so appropriately named, and just so… Canadian… goofy. Just like "Random Island" in Newfoundland... he still couldn't believe they'd ACTUALLY, OFFICIALLY named an island that... and accepted it. Shooting a side-glance at the joker that hung on his shoulder, Lovino shook his head. He was wondering exactly WHY he would hang out with someone as goofy, as secretly idiotic, as idiotically courageous when needed, as much of an adrenaline junkie as Matthew was, as Canada was.

Deciding from the large hand motions, flailing of arms and excitement in Matthew's eyes, Lovino decided to tune back in. He questioned that decision almost immediately upon where he entered whatever story Matthew was telling so whole-heartedly.

"So… then I was like, 'ALFRED! PUT THE CHAINSAW DOWN BRUH! I LIKE MY HEAD WHERE IT IS!' So he obviously turns around swinging it like a mad man and this evil smile on his face and he's all 'MATTIE!' and just like… drops the chainsaw on the ground and comes bounding over. He fucking JUMPS on me and I swear he was about to cry when he was like, 'I THOUGHT SOMEONE KILLED YOU! SO I WAS GOING TO BE A HERO AND SAVE YOU!' So I just like… hear this noise of horror… and the fucking chainsaw is like making it's way tearing up Art's carpet… coming towards us, and I'm like 'SHIT WE NEED OUT OF THIS BITCH NOW!' So we ran away and stayed in a tent in Algonquin Park after like portaging there and shit… and then I felt bad and paid for all the damage… but I just left an envelope of cash and apology letter in like… his tea pot… So I don't know if he got it. But… yeah. He still doesn't know who or what happened… I think Art has nightmares sometimes about it… I almost feel bad."

Lovino shook his head and tried desperately to not laugh at the story he knew was completely true, completely honest, and probably under-exaggerated, that came from the boy's mouth… Oh yeah, this was why he hung around Matt. They could take the piss out of things together, they could rant together, and it went unsaid between them, that not a single secret would be broadcast to any other person.

"Hey! Heyy! Roma…" Matthew whispered suddenly, using the arm not slung over the other to poke Lovino in the shoulder. "Look!" Matthew started 'laughing his ass off' at the sight that met Lovino's eyes upon following the pointing finger belonging to Matthew. The sight that met Lovino's eyes was that of a man standing stark naked on the street corner. He was shouting up to the window above where a woman was leaning out and tossing various items and garments to the street below.

The sight also made Lovino realize they'd made it back to land, and the edge of the Byward Market.

"BUT BABY! I LOVE YOU!" The man cried out to the woman above, falling to his knees and throwing his arms to the sky.

"IF YOU LOVED ME THEN YOU WOULDN'T HAVE SLEPT WITH THAT SKANK!" The woman shrieked, throwing an alarm clock that barely missed the man's ear.

Lovino glanced over to Matthew who'd let go of his shoulder to join his other hand in clutching his stomach as he bent over with laughter. Matthew's face was turning bright red and clearly not just from the cold.

Lovino started shaking his head at Matthew… it wasn't THAT funny... but it was funny.

"YOU BITCH THAT HURTS!" The man suddenly cried out, capturing the attention of Matthew and Lovino once again, the tears from Matthew's laughter blurring his vision.

The man stood crouched over yet jumping around trying desperately to avoid the barrage of eggs and the amazing arm and aim his apparently (now) ex-girlfriend seemed to have.

"Okay… so this shit IS that funny…" Lovino muttered to himself before bursting out in the laughter he'd been so desperately trying to repress and hold in. When the eggs were out, the woman moved on to simply cussing the man out whilst he retaliated with horrible aim and ill-made snowballs, some falling apart halfway to the window.

Oh yeah… this was why… they both laughed like complete imbeciles when it came to the misfortune of others. The greater the tragedy, the more hilarious it was.

Lovino was quickly crouched over, a hand on Matthew's shoulder for at least a little support, and Matthew's hand on Lovino's shoulder for the same reason. Soon it hurt to laugh, and just as they thought they were calmed down, a car sped by, spraying dirty, brown, salty street slush over the pair.

Standing in shock for a second they looked each other and themselves over before bursting out into laughter once more, if things kept going on that way, a little voice in the back of Lovino's head told him they'd die there from suffocation.

Because they laughed at their own misfortune too. They both mutually agreed that it legitimized the whole thing really.

"God I hate you." Lovino smirked as after what felt like three hours they managed to, for the most part, collect themselves and carry on with the journey to the market. Matthew whipped a stray, left over tear from his cheek before once again slinging his arm around Lovino's shoulders.

"Love you too eh bruh?" Matthew used his free hand to give a light punch to Lovino's shoulder, just as they turned the corner from the side street leading to the Byward market. If felt like they hit a wall of life, light and sound all at once. "Now come onn! Let's go to Zak's! Their curly-fry poutine is AWESOME. AND they have deep fried Mars Bars."

Matthew, suddenly excited and re-energized by the mere thought of poutine, claimed his arm back and simply began to jog ahead, knowing that Lovino knew exactly which diner he was headed for. They liked to get drunk and then go there, choosing the worst songs on the jukebox like machine just to piss the people around them off.

"I THOUGHT YOUR BROTHER WAS THE FATASS!" Lovino yelled, cupping his hands around his mouth, hoping it really would amplify his voice over the lively nightlife.

Without so much as turning around Matthew smacked his ass proudly and cried out the words, "DON'T YOU HATE ON MY GHETTO BOOTY! I KNOW YOU LOVE MY GHETTO BOOTY!" before disappearing behind a corner and out of view.

Lovino stood in spot, trying not to laugh, but allowed a grin to flash momentarily across his face before he replaced it with a light scowl. With scowl set firmly in place, he began to slowly march his way to the diner.

He was once again brought back to wondering just why exactly he hangs out with the man, particularly considering the way the man acted when even slightly tipsy, and particularly considering at that, the fact that they often drank together when hanging out. It was an endless loop of ridiculous questions with equally ridiculous answers with Matthew.

Even if his acting aloof at times didn't show it, Lovino quite enjoyed their friendship... type thing. He wasn't sure when their mutual understanding of each other (e.g. shoving away overly affectionate others (France and Spain for example), laughing at the misfortune of others, enjoyment in sarcastic and witty replies, and all that 'fun' stuff, among other things), had turned into friendship.

But finding out when it had, really didn't matter to Lovino, it was just nice that it happened and even allowed a smile to creep on to his face every so often.

...Even if out loud he wouldn't admit it.

* * *

First Off: My apologies if I butchered South Italy, he's one of my favourite characters ;-; so... if I did... comments and critique welcome! ...Really. I'm a weirdo and I mean it.

Second Off: Poutine = The Most Amazing Food Ever. AKA French Fries, Gravy, and Cheese Curds.  
Which sounds nasty I know... but it tastes delicious I swear... unless you don't like any of those foods... but were not including those people... they can go have Beaver Tails.

Third Off: Yeah, that's it, this was a drabble-esque type thing, written in the wee hours of the morning so, yes... feel free to comment and critique :) Das ist alles yo.


End file.
